The pitfalls of comparison & how to escape them

​With social media and lists such as 30 under 30, it has become even more easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves wanting or lesser than what we see. It was particularly important to me to provide some tips on how to manage comparing yourself to others, not only because it is something I continue to struggle with but I have also worked with clients for whom these comparisons are crippling. 

​My own comparisons
I remember a period where I really was not fond of Beyonce (yes, this is still allowed), because she is 4 months older than me (only 4 months) and every time I compared myself to her, I felt like a humongous failure. She is gorgeous, black, rich, and has a successful singing career.  
It was even worse when I compared myself to my friends because they had similar backgrounds and opportunities to me, so if they could be successful what was I doing wrong? Maybe I just did not have what it took. It felt to me like they all got management positions, marriages, houses and/or children, years before I could even consider it and weren’t those the signs of success society accepted: a ‘significant’ salary, managing a team, a ‘wedded’ partner, a mortgage and someone to carry on your line?

The negative effects of comparison
Even a quick look at my own comparisons demonstrates how negatively those thoughts were to me. Comparing ourselves to others can distort our reality and make us overlook what we have achieved, the wins we should be celebrating and how our own journey has shaped us into ourselves. We can lose sight of:

• our resilience
• our talent
• the people we may have helped
• the joys we have celebrated and shared
• our personal growth, among so many other things

It is so important to remember that the snippets we see on social media or when we attend a party are often curated highlights, not the full story. This selective visibility can make others' lives seem flawless and our own lives lacking by comparison. Such comparisons can stifle our motivation, making us feel like we're not progressing fast enough or that our accomplishments are insignificant.

How to escape comparison: Focus on your own journey!
One effective strategy to stop comparing yourself to others in a negative way is to focus on your own journey. This challenges you to shift your perspective from external validation to finding internal satisfaction. Look at what you have done and where you are now. Celebrate or acknowledge your own achievements, recognise and appreciate your progress, it’s yours! You can then start to develop a sense of self-achievement that is based on your own goals, values and what you want to achieve rather than what ‘society’ or someone else tells you are the measures of success or happiness.

A few practical ways to help you focus on your journey

1. Self-reflection – Reflect on how you have grown! Set aside time daily or weekly to reflect on what you have accomplished, recognise your progress and appreciate your journey
2. Cultivate Gratitude – I will do a blog on this soon, but a gratitude journal helps you to focus on what you have, rather than what you don’t
3. Limit Socia Media Time – Rather than spending lots of time comparing yourself to other’s curated snippets, spend more time developing your own skills and focus on what makes you happy
4. Seek Inspiration, not negative comparison – when looking at others’ achievement, let their journeys inspire you rather than serve as a measuring stick for your own worth

​By focusing on you: your journey, your growth, your achievements, your joys, you can appreciate where you are and what you have done. You can be much more content with what you have, what you are capable of doing, and where you can be if you continue on your personal development journey.